Sailing to the best pubs in the South of England. After a wonderful lunch spot is discovered in Gosport Dave pays a tribute to his dear son Joel who passed a...

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what's the plan left of April basic

weather I had to scrape frost off the

car in Whitchurch Hampshire this week so

that was unexpected but it's up to eight

degrees here on the Bierly now a lovely

lovely day week before Easter is that so

I think the plan today is maybe explain

to you to watch us but we are gonna head

down to gospel get on the light ship for

lunch and I've got IRC questions about

how you nearly lost your boat and your

life and why you ate food there last up

with no clothes on so that's basically

yeah for the day there might be a story

there no there's no sounds like or might

there is a story there and it will be

told in all its graphic detail so know

there is most definitely a story there

and there's no bite about it that story

is gonna come out at all this graphic

detail

yep

we'll tell you about this later by the

way but the reason we haven't been

talking much lately is Dave lost his

beautiful son Joel just before Christmas

39 years old

38 died of cancer took him very quickly

and he was a most amazing human being it

showed us how to live life and he showed

us how to die like a man

with faith so we'll tell you about a

story a little bit later on we will

so here's the plan we'll get out of

Beauty River hang a left and head

towards Gil kick a point the wind is

from the east today about 8 to 10 maybe

11 knots so we'll probably have to tack

all the way there

once we reach Gil kick a point we'll

take the North swash way to Portsmouth

Harbor entrance once inside the harbor

will head for Haslam Arena to their

visitors pontoons where there's a really

interesting light ship restaurant

viola

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but the environment you're in is

stunning you boy you're up they stood up

with you yes it was bizarre when you sit

here you get the movement of the boat

unexpectedly but you got hms victory got

ports with victoria got current naval

vessels but south sea powerful is just a

wonderful view there you should turn it

into this is such good food in here

don't you think what do you think

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honestly this has got to be up there but

i love the creative way they've made

this new deck oh look at these we have a

tapas is stunningly stunningly tasting

really good Dave while we're here I know

I shouldn't bring this up but could you

explain why last time you came here you

had no clothes on and also why you

nearly lost your boat and lost your life

and cut your hand

nearly enough these food is magnificent

no I'd rather not note you will talk

about it of this channel

August II is valued its prized come on

don't hesitate it was January I remember

it well

he went there I still remember it what

it was really cold cold January day and

I came I thought I come here and check

this place out it hadn't been done up

then so it's much better now than it

know that story please stop waffling

procrastinate know you're preparing stop

interrupting me and we'll get home you

came and they'll kick a point on my own

decided to get the boat ready bow line

attached fenders out as always I tend to

put a centerline out strong strong wind

that day blown off the visitors pontoons

nevertheless perfect entry as usual eyes

you'd expect perfect arrival excellent

boat handling and it really isn't it

come on yes yes you are so real those

young back you are so reluctant it's

close get on with that come on tell them

what happened so I was pretty much on my

own yeah in terms of no other boats on

the visitors book live jacket on by the

way no I had a harness on yeah and I

came along so beautifully stepped ashore

on to the pontoon

grab the centerline and I hadn't

attached it to the moment because I was

sailing in I hadn't dropped it over the

over the winch hand over the winch at

the time so still using the winch so as

I stepped off I'd pull the boats now

been blowing off and I pulled the

centerline it just came up in my hands

and it was now three or four feet and

going

quickly out into these it was a stolen

it would have gone it was heading out of

the heart marina I love the way you say

this so car but with your arms folded as

if you're protecting the truth come on

in the tree yeah tell me how I

remarkably situation I think it was my

fault

whoa not suggest anyway I jumped for it

all right I just didn't know what to do

I know what about I jumped from the

pontoon onto the boat so here's the

pontoon there's the boat what's

happening the boat is drifting away you

all stood on the pontoon I have to think

really quickly I don't know the area I

don't know what I could run round will

the boat make it to the other side which

is quite a long way will it drift out of

the marina on the wind which could only

holding a lovely piece of me yeah yeah

yeah and the boat is now drifting away

from you see you how could I splice the

iron No so we talked about how you made

this dissolution job for the boat so I

jumped for it and I nearly made it I did

I was left hanging by the lifelines my

new Dyneema lined up so my batteries

just ran out so I need to be quick now

so I'm hanging on the lifelines with my

waist and below in the water yeah you

were saying no we are your factory

preparation prior planning prevents

performance anyway your battery readout

and you were hanging let's just remember

though I'm intrigued well the way as our

viewers will be what happened to the

poor little warp that was being pulled

off your boat and onto the pontoon

anyway would come to them well you were

well so anyway Lord in this boat and

you're hanging my father died in my life

I got onto the I got into the tow rail

about eyes turn red my foot was on the

tow rail and I was reaching for

something I had sort of blow

I ended up like this then I heard a

voice behind me I'm drifting away like

this and I heard a chat saying can I

help you Mike

and I looked I remember looking around

and I'm not sure I think I could do it

somehow yeah and then he said I don't

know what to do yes I see he was on a

boat with his daddy what was sobering I

could not pull myself up

well where were you middly at the boat

neither the boat yeah if that had

happened in a sea way you are not

getting back on board well no you're in

a you know precarious position one leg

up on the tour Oh No yeah I'm down I

think that this couldn't pull myself up

you could only get one leg up on the

tour oh yeah and then what the only

reason I got up is because I understand

I'm rash and lat wrap my legs around one

of the fenders to give me a few more

inches to get a call myself on back

without funding so did you pull them

down while you're still drifting okay

where's your question

so anyway obviously I'm soaked from the

waist down so I stripped off everything

put my wet weather what they called the

celica Salopek so me I came in here and

I did it commandos and what about your

cheese wire Darrin II made guardrail and

herb Raiders that was painful my hands I

bruises in Scotland I don't know what it

was like hanging onto cheese why Wow and

the point that you were I know you were

actually joking apart really sobered

about was the difficulty of getting back

on very difficult no chance and was that

just because you were shocked or just

literally almost pretty calm about it

and I was my hope was in a good place

just physically couldn't you know when

you see Ed was in a good place

I said yeah your head that BB collected

the spring that you were using onto your

back my father would say but time I drop

a sales came into the harbor I turn

around

drop

I forgot about yeah exactly that's right

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so forth um talk about your boy yeah

so they tear up native the reason we

stopped do these for a while was Joel my

son eldest son I got four kids through

left on this planet and I think what was

the last time Joel bet you and me on

this boat in Judah didn't do well you're

on your own yours and we moored up

together and set Alya yes I remember yet

another miscalculation by your goods

yeah you got over the part I didn't

yelling right so we we we met up with my

son Dave had some guests on board it

happened to be a friend of my son who

lives up lived up north and was down for

a few days and it was just one of those

serendipitous meetings old friend of

Joel's my son and I know dave was

posting them on board another story for

another day

but they've nearly lost this family out

it's safe it's a great story I can't

believe we've never done that one that

was serious anyway that was July last

year 2018 and Joe was very healthy then

we had an amazing couple of days and I

look back at that with both fondness and

a certain critical questioning air

because we saw three peregrine falcons

off the force in fact it was horse and

fought in July 2018 which Joel had never

seen before he seemed Peregrine's but

never in the Solent and never three

together so that was unique in that same

day coming up the bewdley river we had a

seal that for about 20 minutes stayed in

our wake Cool Runnings way never had

that before

said certain 15 years of saying so it's

memorable for lots of reasons but in

September he started feel a bit unwell

and october/november began for really

quite a while and then finally in

December was diagnosed on the 10th of

December with terminal cancer is lower

intestinal tract and died on the 20th so

our family nursed him for those 17 days

24/7 but also the month or so of

treatment before on and off as a family

we were able to be with him his wife and

his two children and help him through

that peer he was incredibly brave that

any dad would want to say that about the

son but I do say it he was thought full

thought less about himself thoughtful

about everyone around him it all sorts

practical ways making sure that wife and

his two children my grandkids were well

looked after making sure the business

was in good hands and all the pros and

cons of him leaving this planet were

well thought through but just so caring

caring towards his wife and Daisy and

Jacob his two kids towards Jill and me

his mother dad and his siblings and his

friends extra ordinarily courageously in

that dying process so that's why we

hadn't been doing videos for quite a

while I've started to write I am a doll

so we and talked about that before but

it's part of what I do and I have found

those books particularly difficult

I suppose because of the trauma the

shock the brutality

the cancer and the treatments and the

misdiagnosis by the elements of the NHS

that didn't work well for him I guess

all that adds together and has made it

rather difficult so today's the first

day but now April the 11th he died on

December the 20th where I can even talk

about it to Canberra

one of the things with Joel was his it

was extraordinary in life and he was

totally extraordinary in death I've been

a church lady pastor for most of my

adult life and I've walked through a lot

of bereavement and dying experiences

with families with friends and I think I

can just say he was totally

extraordinary in his death as well and

his dying as he was in life but he just

loved to create memories every year he

and Daisy my first granddaughter who

will take a week out on Cool Runnings

that would spend a week together dad

daughter and granddad and I said to my

wife Justus we'd we were out for a walk

and I said just so thankful that he

would always put those dates in the

diary wouldn't exactly force me but he

would gently coerce me to make sure I

didn't miss those dates or fill those

dates with something else constantly

building memories so for 18 years every

year Daisy heard that Joel and they were

out of the boat for a week what a great

stack of memories so that's obviously

just one of many many memories his son

well-founded faith was very important to

him any if Christianity feel like is a

way of life and a way of death isn't it

yeah and he demonstrated how to die like

like you should yeah as well as live

like you should I mean an example in

both I think he was an example

is it the cat the body that's like is

this Worr pike holy big that's not

connected to my vote a war that I hold

it that's not connected to my boat so

it's got a question isn't it yeah and I

don't want to be superficial or

patronizing with this stuff either it's

it was interesting he recorded I think

around 18 or 19 audio messages for all

or some of the family and I was curating

them recently putting them into Dropbox

so that the family could access them

when they wished he became the most

extraordinary Amazon customer in his

last fury he only bought and he bought

gifts for the kids and gifts for his

wife and gifts for his mum and dad and

gifts for everybody he must have spent

hours in his hospital bed thinking of

things things that would create memories

and things that were lastly yeah things

that they would need that practical

things toilet roll he just ordered bulk

loads of toilet rolls so his wife

wouldn't have to think about that sort

of trivial thing over the weeks post is

there it's well remembered so those of

you watching this you've been through

any grief forgive me because this will

be old hat to you but for those that

have not yet been through substantial

grief there are a little bit like tides

there are absent flows to the grieving

process and he died on the 20th

Christmas of course on the 25th of

December and we had a house full I don't

exaggerate the hallway to this house was

piled from floor to ceiling with boxes

from Abbas and the Joel had ordered

while he was still sick in hospital it's

interesting I don't have many regrets

personally about the dying process but

this is one I did tell him off for the

amount he'd spent and the volume that he

was buying but wished I had now because

of Christmas day each of us had a pile

of presents from what would be our son

our father our husband our brother the

kids excuse me the kids managed to open

the bulk of theirs

Joe his wife couldn't really go there

that day

I still have one substantial gift left

which I will save till Father's Day dad

said so yeah he was incredibly

thoughtful one of the more well I say

one of the more there were lots of

hubris gifts but there was this one box

load of things I couldn't work out what

it was turned out to be a light that you

stick into the ball bowl of your toilets

will he go up to do your way this like

huh in multi colors variable colors so

that was one of his last laughs on us

all well we think about him every day

give thanks for it

yep sorry enough yeah signing off

heretofore looking for a first or entry

it's those big moment of redness compare

another so we share just a new hybrid

fairy then to the other white

strange-looking thing

by the way Dave gave a most inspiring

talk at Joel's funeral if you'd like to

hear it we'll leave a link in the

description below

you

you

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